I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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