just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
