and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
