I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
