I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
