I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
