is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
