i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
