The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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