Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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