It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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