I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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