so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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