wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
