she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
