It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
