Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
