My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
