I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
