Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
