I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
