sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
