the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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