my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
