I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my shit smells like andre
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
