is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
