I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
