i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?