I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.