I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
