So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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