In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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