I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she peed on how many people?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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