my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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