Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
