the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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