im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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