Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
