Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
