I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
