Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
