She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
