she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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