before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
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He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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