I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
