I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
