i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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