When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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