He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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