I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
