Got a toothbrush?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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