I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
