I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize