mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
