College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
