My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
