My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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