and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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