I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
