on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
