He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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