The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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