Im at strip club and am horny
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
