Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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