The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
