Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
