an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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