Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
