woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
