Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
